Dear 2012

In my effort to post last night without getting too heavy and deep, I skipped right over writing a “goodbye 2011, hello 2012” post.  But the more I thought about it, the more I think I need to get my thoughts on the past year and hopes for the next year on paper.  Last year’s post was short and sweet, but straight to the point.  You can read it here:  January 2011.

Based on my own words, I guess I am forever indebited to you 2011!!!  And thank god because who knows where I’d be and what I’d be doing.  I can speculate about what would have happened to me and my relationship with Bill, and I don’t think it would have been very pretty.

So what exactly are my thoughts about what happened in the past year?! A HUGE mixture of varying emotions.  It was a stressful, emotional, hard, exciting, scary, lonely, joyous year.  I’ve become closer to my immediate and extended family in the past year and I think they’ve become closer to me.  I’ve learned more about being a nurse, a doctor, and about the human body than I thought I would ever know.  I’ve learned more about health insurance, Medicaid and Medicare than I ever wanted or should know and how the entire system as a whole is a complete failure for those who actually need it.  And that as much as I appreciate your sympathy, lady in the call center for United Healthcare, your sympathy won’t pay the bills for a nurse for my son or for his Synagis injections!

There’s no doubt about this next one; I’ve aged probably 10 years in this past year.

But I’ve also learned so much about the good and the generosity in people, and how much the care of a complete stranger means in time of need.  And also how to be a better person for someone else who is need.  Although I am resigned to be a better friend in 2012.  I am terrible at calling people!!

I’ve learned that I can handle things I never would have imagined that I could and I’ve gotten over my fear of conflict and challenging people when I feel that they’re not appropriately addressing our concerns.

And most importantly of all, I’ve learned to love a little boy more than I could have ever imagined.  I’ve always loved him, even before he was born, but I find that I love him more and more each and every day and I’m so incredibly proud to be his Momma. 

So 2011…you did really good, even spectacular at times, and other times, you were a complete asshole.  We could have done without all of the hospital admissions and the scares, and the stress.  Calling 911 was definitely an all-time low.  But ultimately you pulled through when it really mattered.

And for you 2012…I expect you to be even better!  And by that I mean keep our lives normal, give us a little bit of peace of mind and maybe even a break (or even an vacation) here and there.  But if you really want to blow 2011 out of the water, you’ll send Stephen a new kidney this year!! That’s my hope for 2012!